Things about Jeff.

I respect him immensely, but I have absolutely no romantic longing for him at all. That fact alone is rather unusual for me, since I generally want those who I respect so much. I suppose I do want him in a way, but in a way that a child wants the guidance of someone wise and sure of themselves. I look to him when I’m lost and don’t want anyone to know, simply because I know I can ask him anything, he won’t be able to read me, and he’ll respond truthfully, if he does respond. The most likely case is that he doesn’t care that much, but I almost prefer it that way with him. If he did care, he’d try to figure me out and know my thoughts. I don’t want him to, because he’s the only person I know who’ll answer my questions like he does.

Being a music education major, he is going through, right now, what I hope to be going through when I’m his age. He went to the same high school that I’m going to now, was in the same classroom that I go to every Monday through Friday. He helps with the band, and has helped me individually with drum major preparation and conducting. I text him with random questions, and he tends to answer them. Why, I really don’t know. But it’s almost relieving that he does. He’s like an addiction I enjoy.

The craziest thing of all is that we don’t understand each other a bit. Our senses of humor are completely different. He really isn’t very smart, but it took me a very long time to figure that out. He only talks openly about things that he knows, which seems wise to me. He doesn’t judge or make comments on anything he doesn’t understand. We talk, but never about anything very interesting or important. Not yet, anyway. I want to have these types of conversations with him, and I want to understand him. Like a riddle; I need to figure it out to be satisfied.

However, he’ll probably be gone teaching somewhere by next year, and I’ll have to find a new someone to… relax to, I guess. I’ll miss talking to him. Maybe he’ll stay close, or I can go visit him in a few years or something. Or perhaps my attitude toward him will have changed, and I won’t miss him at all. Only time will tell, really.

Of course, I’ll have Cris. His type of longing and care is something I could never live without. His warmth and protection have become my own personal shelter, and I wouldn’t make it long without him. I understand him, and he understands me because our minds are alike in almost every way.

I can live without Jeff easily, and will in the future. He’s interesting to me, mostly because we don’t understand each other at all.

Some may think it odd, but I’m fascinated with my own mind. Sometimes you have no idea what goes on in your head until you sit down and write about it, I think.

-Haileeooooo.